Thursday, December 06, 2007

Droopy Drawers

We’ve all seen them, mostly young males walking around with their crouches down to their knees and their boxer covered butt hanging out. They hold their pants up by grabbing the front and pulling them up or constantly hiking their drawers just in the nick of time before their trousers hit the ground. Who came up with this tasteless “fashion” statement?

I can’t say I ever saw any of this in the movies I watch. Perhaps it’s just the genre I favor (can you imagine Sly Stallone or Chuck Norris trying to chase down some bad guy while holding up their crotches? I suppose saying “hands up” would be out of the question too). The first time I recall seeing it was while watching an MTV award program (I had tuned in to watch a brief reunion performance by the Bee Gees). I couldn’t help staring at these scrawny performers prancing around on stage with butts hanging out the back of their britches like a bad vision of the diaper babies from a Pampers ad. The crowd, comprised of both genders in their late teens or early twenties were screaming and yelling, but that’s to be expected on a MTV show (and I suspect some the “enthusiasm” was overdone at the urging of the producers and free passes to the show). After my momentary shock and I found myself laughing so hard I almost feel out of my chair. Little then did I know this wasn’t a mere costume malfunction and the joke would turn more serious.

Sometime later, while sitting at a red light near downtown Louisville, I watched a young man of approximately 16 or 17 years of age, attempt to run across the street to catch a bus. Unable to waddle fast enough, the young man stopped and reached between his legs right in the middle of the street and yanked hard on his dangling crouch the way you would pull up on a galloping horse and do what I call the “dirty diaper” trot across the street to the waiting bus. As you can well imagine, I was nearly in tears at this point. The young man glanced my way and gave me one of those “go to hell” looks, but I figured that even given my bum knees, I could still skip faster than he could waddle, and kept on laughing.

Since then, this need to “air dirty laundry” while still wearing it has become a nauseating fad. Not to long ago, I saw one young man with a case of “droopy drawers” less the prerequisite boxers standing around with some other guys. Not a pretty sight I can tell you. Even the girls have gotten in on it and started showing off their g-string underwear. Now, perhaps I’m just getting old (and I swore I would never use this expression, but here it goes), “in my day” we had button up fronts instead of zippers, hip huggers, halter tops, mini and micro mini skirts, and who can forget hot pants! But even with these, none of them show off the goods, and we would never have though about walking around like one year olds who just went potty and needed someone to pull up their pants. (I admit there are times when I have an overwhelming urge to ask some of them if their momma worn their belts out whipping their little behinds and that’s why they don’t have one hold their pants up or if they simply aren’t smart enough to find a pair of pants in the closet that fit, but I resist). I doubt too that one could argue that this is a cultural expression since there isn’t anything “cultural” about not being able to keep your pants pulled up.

So, to all the parents out there who will be Christmas (or holiday of your choice) shopping, I ask simply that 1) You buy your child a pair of pants that actually fit; 2) you buy them a belt and/or suspenders and teach them how to properly use them; 3) and the next time your son or daughter runs around with their butts hanging out, you refer to suggest #2 and give them remedial lesson. To Louisville’s Metro Council (and all municipal governments everywhere), I suggest you forget about whether or not I chose to buy and consume products with a high Trans fat content or patronize a business which allows (or not) smoking (it’s none of your business anyway) and focus instead on incorporating into the public indecency ordinance language that would make it a fineable misdemeanor to publicly display either your bare or underwear clad bottom in public. Until then, I continue to laugh my butt off at those showing off theirs.

Term Limits

The subject of term limits has been discussed from time to time (after all criminals sentenced to prison have term limits, so why not the ones we elect?). As most people know, the President, as well as most governors and mayors are capped by the number of terms they can serve while those in the Legislative branch can serve indefinitely. Perhaps it’s time we either cap their terms or remove the cap for the Executive branch. “Moderate Man” has written an interesting article discussing the merits of term limits. It’s quite thought provoking.

Our country needs Congressional term limits. We are facing a bankrupt country with a $9 trillion debt, 2 wars, inflation, natural disasters and an evaporating dollar. Yes, our country has been thru tough times before, such as wars, depressions, inflations, natural disasters, etc. But we recovered and became even stronger. It appears this time that at the very least, we will become a minor third world power. The Congress we have is dysfunctional. There are approximately 303 million of us legal Americans. There are only 435 members of the US House of Representative and 100 members of the US Senate. This dream of change is possible. We are the majority and they work for us. We MUST deny them lifetime tenure. It is our country. Why change now after 200 plus years you say? Well, they have corrupted the process so much, that the incumbent has a built in re-election advantage, their salaries are obscene with a starting salary of $165 thousand, and they now have retirement benefits. They are out of touch with the average voter. The job should be open to rich and poor. Most are millionaires. There is no alternative path to restore a working and functional government to the people, short of violence, which I do not endorse or promote. Election reforms will never pass as long as Congress can block the laws passage. They want to keep their jobs as long as they want, not what the people want. The odds of voting an incumbent out of office are skewed in their favor. Unless they make a major mistake, they are heavily favored to win. Voting turnout is a national disgrace. It is so low that we have nobody to blame except ourselves. Most people think that their vote won’t matter so they stay home. Maybe they would come to the polls if there were new people to vote for. Remember, the founding fathers envisioned citizen public servants who would go to Washington to serve their neighbors and their country for a limited time only. They would temporarily leave their citizen pursuits to serve briefly, bringing their everyday heartland common sense with them, then to return home to live among those neighbors after having completed their citizen responsibilities—to live under the laws they have just passed. Then there is the fairness factor. Our Executive branch of government has term limits. Why shouldn’t our Legislative and Judicial branches? What’s their excuse? Remember, absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Moderate Man

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